10/24/2547

Things getting surreal

I think there is only so much a person can take... before...

...it all just starts to feel ridiculously simple.

I think when one has been pushed into something that seems "impossible", one unwittingly discovers that it isn't "impossible" at all - not even difficult, just a matter of work, and things just come together by themselves. It's a dangerous realisation to make... It makes one feel as if one can achieve anything... while that may be true, one is not taking into consideration the "stiletto" effect.

Let me explain. Yesterday, I engaged in discussions with a patron in a greek cafe, who told me the Greeks have a saying "Go slowly when you are in a hurry".

That makes perfect sense... why? There is always something that's going to make you stumble...

Thus, the "stiletto effect". If I try running anywhere in stilettos, most likely the heel will break or I'll trip and end up in the hospital with a concussion. I'll get there for sure if I pace myself and take measured steps.

So, back to the beginning. Realising that accomplishments are easily attainable boosts confidence... confidence makes one take quicker steps, and sooner or later, one will forget that the journey matters. Looking around matters. The reason one doesn't stumble when one is uncertain of whether or not one will reach the destination is because then one remembers to look around and...

LEARN!

Reflective equilibrium is an important lesson in life, and probably one of the most difficult to learn.

So why the title to this blog entry?

Personally, I feel as though I am very detached from myself at the moment. More often than not, I feel as if I'm an observer to my own life. I look at what I'm doing with very high levels of sceptisism, and I never relent from questioning all my moves, even as I make them with seeming confidence. It's like I'm watching a movie. I see my charachter on the screen doing certain things, and I seem to have no control, and I'm crossing my finger that my onscreen self won't stumble and fall, because at that moment, it's me that will have to pick me up... if that makes any sense.

Right now things are running relatively smoothly - The 'I' that exists seperately from my busy life is the airbag. I don't get involved until the crash test dummy hits the wall.