Lessons in waking and dreaming

Last night I dreamt...

Some time in the future, I am sitting at a table having dinner with a group of close friends... and I notice that they all have kids and family... but I'm the only one who doesn't...

Then, I am walking into a tailor with my mother, and she is getting some shirts cut... She asks me how come I no longer design my own stuff and get it tailor made like I used to.

I said I didn't think I was really good and that I wasn't going to make a career of it, so I may as well just give up.

I woke up with a realisation. A lot of the things that I "had to give up" in my life, such as wanting to set up a restaurant, singing, ... anything I've been good at, really, hasn't been because I've "had to". It's because I've chosen to.

And why? Because I'm scared of 1) not being the best, and 2) of becoming good and losing everything.

Where did this come from?

I think because I used to want to be a ballerina, but when I started becoming good, my ankles failed me. I wanted to swim seriously... and when I was at my peak, winning competions, I injured my knee and couldn't really compete anymore.

A few childhood scars, I suppose.

So, back to the lesson in the dream. It started off with people settled down with families... Well, the message is clear... unless I choose something... some path... for myself, I'm going to end up alone and with nothing, no matter how many great ideas I have.

.....

But on another note... I had a far more tangible lesson today during the daytime. Kan was teaching me to drive in Muang Bolarn! Hopefully I'll have a driver's license by the time I get back to Melbourne!



Muang Borarn


the water is rotten, man!


Kan bowing?


Woohoo!!!!


Watch out, mad cow!!