1/31/2548

European Film Festival, cont.



I must admit, the movie experience could hardly be classified as enjoyable, as the cinema comprised of chairs haphazardly placed in a room... which meant that my mother, who does not like to sit anywhere beyond the last three rows, and I had to constantly crane our necks to be able to view the subtitles during "Free Radicals"... but atleast by the time my father joined us for the next movie,




"Life as a fatal sexually transmitted disease" (referring to the fact that we are all sexually transmitted and we all die in the end), we learned that the best place to sit is at the back, as we can get up and stand at any point should we be unable to view the subtitles... Anyhow... the idea behind Free Radicals was indeed a very good one - based on chaos theory and fractals - but could have been clearer in the intent.... thus, I give it a 6/10 (average hollywood shit gets a 0/10 from me, so that's still generous)... Life as a fatal sexually transmitted disease had me forgetting that my seat was very uncomfortable, so I'll award that with a 7.5/10.

Later on, I went with my father to the Cairo Jazz Club after an interesting detour in the taxi... Excellent sounds... definitely worth coming to again next year when I'm back in 'el Qahera' (Cairo)




To my Jaan... I have nothing more to say, other than ... well... I can't help but feel a little bit forsaken at this moment... and that something is not quite right. Where ARE you??

Ahh.... a final highlight to the day: I finally finished retyping "Reflect", which I actually wrote a while ago, but managed to, in a fit of rage at writers block to destroy entirely except for a hard copy of the penultimate draft, which was naturally incomplete...

Well... in any case, that was a hard story to go over and rewrite all over again. Please let me know what you think...

And bear in mind... that was chapter one.

1/30/2548

"Look, look, my darling!"

I forgot to comment on the actual movie I watched yesterday, "shouf, shouf, habibi" or well... as I have already translated in my post header



I quite enjoyed it - it was very entertaining and mildly thought inspiring... I'll give it a 8/10...

:)

A brief narrative of the day...

Today I was employed as a slave labour by my father... or well.. for the price of a coffee, water and dinner after a healthy arguement in the family that had everyone in a bad mood for a little bit of time... which I suppose, is perfectly acceptable... and gets the time passing...




No rest for the wicked, as they say, and there I am, working with my mouth full.

I wonder if I made the mistake earlier of giving my father the address to my website? Hehe... well, anyhow, we laughed about the fact that we rarely talk, and now we've discovered a new form of communication... but, as I know you are reading this - this does not relate to verbal communication. I don't like my blog discussed. I think I mentioned that if there are comments, they are to be posted on my blog. That way the world of the internet remains of the internet.

As can be seen from the picture below, my father obviously wasn't enjoying himself greatly as I wrote his proposal and resorted to taking pictures up his own nose...




The premiere of the European film festival, later on at the opera house progressed rather uneventfully, and the VIP reception was rather unfortunately boring... I would arranged a few sponsors there to come display their 'wares' for that added element of entertainment and stimulation for movie-goers. After the necessary speeches which progressed in painful monotony, we were admitted into the cinema venue. I was chatting away happily with Erno, until about 10 seconds before the start of the movie, my neighbour turned to us, obviously entirely distrusting of the youth of today, and 'politely' inquired down his nose whether we were intending to be quiet at any point. We had a good laugh about it later on... Damn those youngsters! Mwahahaha!




Anyhow, the night was balmy for the first time in Cairo since I'd arrived, and the evening ended with a pleasant detour through the park, where I met "Mr. I am happy with my stick" and thought I'd keep him as a friend (but was unable to unroot him, and thus left him standing where he was)...




Well... what can I say? A relatively peaceful, non-eventful day... and not too many thoughts bothering me for a change...

But... still waiting. I don't understand why it's so difficult to make a phonecall to Egypt from Australia? ...you know I miss you... and ...you know I'm worried...


1/28/2548

Pyramids by night

Feeling slightly hung-over...

But last night was a fun adventure. We left on a mission to climb to the top of the shortest pyramid (the taller ones shed rocks), but upon being told that the pyramid area was closed, we walked around and found a hole in the fence instead and sat on the desert sands with our self-appointed chaperone, who kept warning us about police, but then eventually remained silent after being given an appropriate tip.

I would like to be able to say that the desert was a quiet place by night, but unfortunately the night was filled with the sounds of the revelations of the nearby stable keepers, random shots of bored police men... 'clicking' of foxes...

Despite all these interruptions, I must admit that the waning moon and stars over my head are both excellent company... and the desert left me dreaming very interesting dreams last night... must be something in the polluted cairo desert air... or else I was just doped.

Who knows?

Anyhow, below is a picture of Auna, who, as I mentioned earlier, appointed himself as our companion. I tried to ask him what 'police' is in Arabic, and I must say, the result was extremely entertaining. He didn't speak much English, so we spoke a few broken words to each other.. from time to time, we wouldn't really understand each other and he would conclude by saying 'Be happy'. Happy is mahbsoot in Arabic. So, I said anglii 'happy', arabii 'mahbsoot', anglii 'bag', arabii 'shanta', anglii 'police, arabii ... eh da? (what's that?)... and he concluded by saying 'police very happy'. oh, well... perhaps I'll never know what police is in Arabic after all ;)




There's me and Erno sitting not far from the hole in a fence, posing in a picture that Mr. Auna Very Happy insisted on taking. This was all, ofcourse, after the happy police had already passed, because as Mr. Auna said, 'Police see flash, not very happy'


1/27/2548

Yet another day...

I guess the most positive thing about my stay in Cairo has to be that my blog is getting very full of links.... There are now links to my philosophical writings, my links, my creative writing (more creative writing to come), and my favourite entries so far. All of them are conveniently located on the side bar. I'd love some comments on my philosophical writings, especially...

Yes... so ... erm...

Why haven't I been out exploring the city? I really hate the way men here stare.... and whistle... and take off their pants and start masturbating (I'm not joking) when they see an unveiled woman or unaccompanied woman. I feel like I'm walking around naked. And it's perfectly understandable that my mother doesn't particularly want to go exploring Cairo the way I want to... to just set off in some random direction and see what happens... After all, she lives here. My dad, on the other hand, is at work.

Then, they don't want me to go out in the evenings after the sun has set, when a few people I've met might be free, because they are concerned about my safety. So, maybe I'll have started a net empire by the time I get away from this country :)

1/26/2548

Resolution?

When will there be a resolution to this endless drama?

I won't commit the age old folly of comparing my life to [insert soap opera here] because it simply isn't anywhere as interesting.

Why? There is only one problem. And that problem is causing me to sit and sit and sit... and has rendered me entirely devoid of all motivation. So that even the writers of [insert soap opera here] would not grace my current life with an audience. Well, perhaps they'd find the root of all this discontent fine material for about 5 minutes worth of their episode... but that's about it.

I just watched a Spanish movie called "Vacas"

.

Deeply disturbing. But an excellent movie for those that don't go for the typical predicatable storyline hollywood movies. If you feel that you may be feeling too happy, one day, find this movie.

woof woof!


How much is that doggie in the window? (click on the picture ja)

1/25/2548

TXT can KILL

Haha.... ever wondered whether you were writing too many text messages? Doctors in Italy have made a 'scientific' discovery...

1/24/2548

Different ways to aim at the truth

As a philosophy student, I often ask the question "What is good?"
As a buddhist, I ask "What is the best way for me to achieve a good life?"
As a seeker of peace, I ask "How can I reconcile all these different viewpoints, so that we might all be accommodated as far as possible?"

First of all, allow me to dispel a certain myth:

That there is no such thing as an objective good. I fully believe that such a thing exists. I strongly believe, as many a Platonist does, that there IS a good that humanbeings strive for by their very nature, and when a person acts in a manner that can be deemed evil, they are doing so out of ignorance of the real good.

Greek philosophy offers many good arguements of this nature. Somebody once said "All philosophy is footnotes on Plato." Perhaps I do not quite agree here, but would venture to say that the thoughts that the Greeks expressed strike a meaningful and well documented chord with great thinkers the world over, regardless of culture and faith. The principles that Plato expressed ring in harmony with the principles of buddhism, and were adopted largely by the Christian faith, too. Where religions choose to explore good as a manifestation of the will of a God, the Greeks, as well as the Buddhists, chose to explore these by means of exploration of the human psyche and being. The Socratic dialogues are inconclusive, in my opinion, about whether or not a god exists, but regardless, convince the reader about the existence of an objective good, and refine the achievement of this good to a great degree, argueing to the reader that truest, and perhaps the only, path to good lies through wisdom.

The Buddhist way of life also promotes wisdom as the surest way to Nirvana, although this is not an exclusive means at all. A deluge of texts and treatises on the nature of good can be found in the historical shelves of mankind, and in my mind, more often than not, these texts are apt to agree with each other in the core. The differences lie only in the means to achieve good. The wars and struggles caused by the protective attitudes towards the means would cause the writers of these texts unnecessary grief. Much as Einstein, in developing nuclear technology unleashed the dark forces of pandora's box whilst aiming only at the element of hope at the bottom, was distressed by the impact of his discovery, so many great teachers, such as Jesus, Buddha, Mohammad, etc, would be deeply distressed to find that the tools for creating harmony which they bequethed upon the world are instead used as platforms to wage bloody wars. Religion and ethics searches for the golden middle path. Humans search for arms and revenge, despite all evidence that points to the oneness of mankind.

Revenge.

People renounce the actions of their neighbours, often performed in ignorance of what is good, and perform the same action themselves. I would personally like to know where the leader inside the people is. Such an element of self-awareness should exist in all human beings, that are intelligent enough to be born with an ability to judge. How is it, that judging something to be wrong does not lead to the logical conclusion that it should not be done? Why is it, instead, that the wrong becomes justified the moment that a human falls victim to it? All the great teachers of the world had the iniative within them to apply their judgements to themselves, as they would to those they would weigh against the golden feather of a balanced life. More importantly, these great teachers did not use the skill of superior judgement to place blame upon their neighbours - they used this gift simply to ensure that they themselves led a moral life, and rejoicing in this peaceful life, imparted the knowledge upon those around them selflessly.

Vengeance belongs not to humanity, but to the gods.

1/23/2548

Excellent stuff!

When you get to the page, simply click on the 'cartoons' link!

mild dream-o-phobia

I can't sleep.

I won't be able to for the next few weeks, either - not until I get back to Melbourne. Not until I sort out something that has really been troubling me.

Until then I will have to wait it out... and feel slightly ... or actually, very... flat about everything.

I'm like a fizzy drink that's been sitting in the sun for an hour right now.... still sweet, but somewhat lukewarm and well... definitely not fizzy anymore...

But I still outwardly appear the same... I try to manage a smile from time to time...

But I'm just waiting.

On the positive side, however, I am doing a lot to my blog because I seem to have an unwillingness to do anything in the outside world currently...

I especially like the graphic I added with Indy pointing to links everyone should visit!

1/22/2548

The dirty old man

I can not stand the travelling companion of me and my father. Aaaargh. Really. My father's colleague, a certain 'Peter', is getting on my nerves.

He's the perfect British gentleman in his later years, but despite all his polite mannerisms, I feel extremely 'slimy' every time he opens a door for me, or slides a chair for me, or aids me with my jacket. Why? You should see the way he stares after young ladies... or the way he openly comments on women, in particularly, blondes.

I was going to get a bikini to wear on the beach today, and then decided entirely against that because Mr. Peter got so excited about the idea of it that I was utterly disgusted, and ended up passing an excuse of feeling uncomfortable in swimwear out of respect for Arabic culture... as if there is any arabic culture in Sharm el Sheik, the canary islands of the middle east!

I feel absolutely objectified by this 'dignified' British gentleman. Yuck.

We were discussing my taste in men at one point, and I mentioned that I don't particularly have a liking for very tall western men, as I feel dwarfed by them... and he says "Well, it's a good thing that most other pretty young ladies from Thailand do not feel the same way."

Oh my god. Where have YOU been hanging around? Urgh. Filthy, filthy old man.

Anyhow... on a more positive note...

Things in personal life are beginning to look up. I got a phonecall that I've been waiting for... and I'm feeling more certain about my willingness to fight things out... I hate uncertainty, and there's been enough of that in the past two weeks...

Thanks a lot, my dearest...

need to do some more travelling!

1/21/2548

Five star electric problems

Hmmm...

Writing the article to be found below was quite a challenge... not the writing itself... but the process I had to go through!

Ok... so here I am at the 5 star Crown Plaza hotel in Sharm el Sheik... and was trying to hook up to the internet.

Problem 1: "Internet Access: Please refer to "Direct Dialing Guide" located next to your telephone set". Where is it? There is no such thing. So I called reception, and they sent their sleepy looking engineer (it was about 1 a.m. then) to fix the problem.

Problem 2: There was no phone cable to connect to my computer, and the electrical socket in my wall was of a different make. So the engineer went off to find the necessary electrical gizmos.

Problem 3: The number that the reception has said is to be used for connecting to the internet does not exist. I can't connect. So I dial the number in Cairo. My dad is going to kill me when he gets the bill for my room.

Problem 4: When the 'engineer' leaves, he takes with him the phone cable that he brought to connect me to the internet. So I have to pull out the one that is connecting the phone. And guess what? The electricity to my room just decides to go. So.... now I'm in the dark, trying to reconnect the phone, so that I can call reception and have them send back their engineer.

But... yeah... now my electricity is back... the room is slightly too cold, even though I've got the heating on at 30....

I'm not sure if this would make even a three star hotel in Bangkok.

American University of Cairo

“We almost burned down the house.”


roger

The experiences of an international student initiating his stay in Cairo are certainly different to those of on starting in Australia. “We bought a new shisha. Then we fired it up and were drinking ‘aquavit’. When we woke up in the morning, we found a piece of coal had fallen off the pipe and burned through a stack of newspapers.”

Perhaps it is time for a little bit of explanation. A ‘shisha’ is a water pipe of the kind employed by many Arabic cultures for the smoking of tobacco. ‘Aquavit’ is a homegrown brand of Norwegian vodka.

Roger Bruland, perhaps a slightly shy Scandinavian, jokes, upon the completion of this interview: “I’m going to get deported!”

International students arriving in Australia feel as though they are faced with a jungle of bureaucracy upon arrival here. However, this is nothing compared to the problems faced by international students in Cairo, Egypt.

For example, one necessity in dealing with the process of acquiring an international student visa here is (no kidding!) 15 passport photos. This is a modest amount, considering that the international student here has to run to about 20 government offices to acquire that visa. Then, it’s a matter of whether or not the official like you – you can get anywhere between three months to one year on your student visa. It makes one practically crave the hellishly straightforward Australian system. It’s no wonder that most international students here opt to remain on a tourist visa that can be renewed monthly for no more than 10 Egyptian pounds (less than AUD$1). The other option is to get it renewed through the university, where the standard is a 6-month visa. Somehow, the system seems reminiscent of Russian roulette!

Egypt, under what, by international standards, is a country under a dictatorial style of governance, is nonetheless, like its international counterparts, seeking to capitalise on international education.

Currently, around 20% of the students studying at the American University of Cairo are international students. The University of Cairo, however, is a much more popular destination, catering to a very large population of students from neighbouring Middle Eastern countries.

Orientations for international students at AUC are an entirely different process to that experienced by Australian International Students. As in Australia, most students don’t remember much from their hectic orientations. However, the lessons that are learned are quite different. “Kissing on campus is against the regulations, as is covering the face. Two girls were expelled last year for covering their face at university.”

Security is also a large issue covered during orientations. When he first arrived here, Roger went on holiday to the seaside town of Dahab. Not so far from where he was staying, a youth camp was bombed by the same groups implicated in the Hilton bombings. “Even youth culture is targeted”.

Censorship is a particular headache – especially for postgraduate students. In 1998 alone, 200 books were banned by the Egyptian government. As a result, a ‘copy shop’ culture has developed in Cairo, with lecturers pointing students to the next-door point to obtain illegal texts for the sake of education.

Perhaps it is this flagrant disregard for the law that makes Egypt an international centre for human rights and forced migration studies, along with South Africa. Censorship by the government can be quite random, but Roger has noted that it is generally texts concerning non-proliferation and those critical of the government that are the main target for nationwide bans.

Despite the hazards of bureaucracy, it seems that Roger, a PhD student in political science, has chosen the right place for his academics – a “region in turmoil after the Iraq war.’

1/19/2548

Law degree

I just got accepted into law!!!

One problem... enrolment is tommorrow...

Oh. Shit.

so... next year:

Law Degree
Arts Degree
NLC
Network Magazine

... erm... I'm screwed.

My parents are psyched.

Yay.

out of control

Hmmm.... perhaps I wasn't too clear on my last post... the whole log in a stream thing.

The main point I want to stress here is freedom. For all, freedom has a price... for some, that price is more expensive... for some, it is easily attainable.

For most, I feel, that price is tradition... upbringing. There are certain ways that most of us have been brought up that bind us to tradition, that bind us to the ways of our parents.

A cage is only a cage when one is aware of it. When one does not know the restrictions by which on is bound, that cage is a comfort...

Once the outside world makes itself known, that cage is a burden that will be heavy throughout life if one does not choose to step outside it.

I suppose it's a problem that many face in a world of globalisation... where do you shut the doors of a culture to the outside world? Where do you let a flood of new ideas in?

I find it odd that people speak of globalisation as though it were something new. Throughout history, from the very dawn of mankind, where neighbouring tribes did things differently, there was dispute, there was strife about tradition being lost... now those neighbouring tribes, along with one hundred others have formed themselves into a conglomorate of neighbours we call a 'country'... or a 'community'... the only difference, in analysis, when you cut out a lot of extra factors, is that there are simply more people involved... but would you rather share resources and increase everyone's quality of life? Or would you keep an excess of resources to yourself and suffer the lack of others?

What, in the end, is better for people?

I need soil, so that I may grow my crops... you need water. Your land has abundant soil... my land is criss-crossed by waterways and tributaries. We both have something that the other needs - and when that is the case, is it not a good idea to overcome any differences between our cultures so that I might eat, and that you might drink? Or do we choose to be obstinate in our views, so that one may die of thirst and the other of hunger?

It's not about losing identity... it's about discovering in what manners we think alike... and strengthening those aspects of culture and identity so that in the end, we are still ourselves when we let go of other aspects...

Perhaps it is difficult, but I believe that it can be done. I believe this applies to individuals, and it applies to nations.

ความรักคือะไร? คืเธอ...คืฉัน… แล้วจะฅ้องกานอะไรอีกละ??

1/18/2548

Revenge of the Forgotten Monarch

Great reading... hehehe... but this is not to be taken as fact...

King Bhumiphol of Siam
Revenge of the Forgotten Monarch

comci comca

Wasn't there a better solution?

I've been plagued by this question for days now... I've lost track of how long...

When one is free, there is no force on this earth that can force one to do anything against one's will.

There's no log in the stream. There's a choice that is made at some point to become that log in the stream. There is always a choice. And when things screw up, there is nobody to blame but oneself. But then, I'm not saying that any one of us is a super human that is able to predict all the ups and downs in life and prepare accordingly. All I am saying is that NOW, when those important decisions are to be made, the easy way out is choosing not to fight, and saying 'There's no choice'.

There is no choice = 'I do not want to fight'

Do I want to fight? Do I want to fight if I know my allies have deserted me? Do I want to fight if I know at the end, the very thing I fight for will not be mine anyhow? Is the principle enough, or must there be the reward to keep me fighting?

one more question: ทำไมคิดมากเกินไปวะ??

I'm feeling so down right now that I don't seem to have the will to do anything... I just called my teacher and cancelled my Arabic lesson for today. You know that feeling when you should be crying, and yet, you are unable to?

It seems that the older I get, the more difficult it is for me to deal with hurt... It used to be something so superficial and incomplicated... very straightforward. Things get more complicated, and guilt comes into the picture, even where it isn't necessarily called for.

I just received an e-mail from my friend, Simon Reames, saying that his father, Nick Reames just passed away... I remember him fondly from my days in Kazakhstan, and I'm sorry to hear of his passing away. It must be tough for Simon.

1/17/2548

keyboard prints

Hehehe... yesterday, after I finished that post, I fell asleep with my head on the keyboard... then I woke up about an hour later with the shape of the keys on my forehead.

I'm still feeling quite down...

Last night, my dad had a few Finns over for drinks... I fried some cashew nuts Thai style... it was quite a hit.

My dad is having five people over for dinner tomorrow night... guess who gets to cook?

Oh.... well... I guess it'll keep my mind off things.

totally apathetic...

...so lazy i am typing with one hand and don't want to use shift. so depressed... been finding it difficult to smile these past few days. just want to get on with my bloody life. somebody shoot me, now. please. btw, jetlag sucks.

1/15/2548

warning: fragile

As the name suggests, I'm not in the most stable of emotional zones at the moment... in fact, I'm feeling quite... I don't know.... volatile popped into mind, but then I realised that I am far from being in a near-'explosive' state... Let's just say that I'm already shattered... and I'm just feeling very very numb... you know that feeling when you are close to tears...that gut feeling in your stomach that's just caged up in there...

Nothing is coming out from the corners of my eyes, and my eyebrows are permanently knitted in worry...

Why do things have to be this way? Maybe there's still a solution... I've been thinking about this for too long. There has to be a solution. There's a solution to everything when you make priorities... and when you are will to fight for your own cause until the very end... or perhaps there already was a solution... I just don't really want to accept it...

***

I'm doing a bit 'spring clean' (although it's not spring) and getting rid of all these 'hopefuls' hanging around. I just want to be alone. I don't want to have anyone มาจีบ. I was suggesting to Itt that maybe I should become a nun... I don't know why he didn't warm to the idea very much.

1/14/2548

วุ่นวายไปหมด or 'wun waai pai mot'

I couldn't think of a proper English way to express what I just did in Thai... it kind of means 'been very busy' but it has an added element of being very confused and flustered at the same time... chaotic...

I'm having a very very very hard time thinking of the future three years from now. I just can't do it. I can't think of the future six months from now either, which is something I really really really need to start doing. I'm busting my head and losing sleep over a certain issue that has arisen... dammit, I can't even think ahead more than three weeks from now, if even that!

Anyhow... change of topic...

So yes... here I am in Thailand... on the last day of my grandmother's funeral someone called me just as I was saying goodbye to the attendees who were not in the direct line of the family from Khun Yai. I couldn't really hear anything properly so I assumed it was somebody I knew... and to cut a long story short, arranged a meeting with this guy I've never met before...

So it turns out that he (P'Yo) saw me walking with this friend of his, 'Oi' (or P'Oi for me)... and somehow decided then and there that he would 'maa jiip hai dai' and is very very direct about it. Oh, boy. It's been entertaining, to say the least.

haha... getting attention is nice... but I'm not sure if I want that attention at all.

I weighed myself this morning... yay! I've lost almost three kilos after leaving Australia... still feeling very fat though. And I'll have to control my eating habits once there so I don't go getting all fat again in the winter. I better enrol in those kickboxing classes again... start over. and maybe dance. I better just make the time for those kinds of activities. I was thinking of quitting smoking and starting a more 'healthy' life-style... I just need the same internal motivation that makes me vegan to propel me to stop smoking. I don't eat animal meat or products (dairy, eggs, fishsauce, etc.) of any kind because I feel bad for the animals that suffer. But why doesn't that apply internally? I do things that I know are bad for me... why?

Oh... well... the answer will come one day... I'm sure.

1/04/2548

two pictures in the morning


bird at dawn


cairo sunrise

The morning my grandmother passed away, I stumbled home at 8 a.m. quite a bit tipsy. I hadn't heard the news yet, and I spent my last moments outside happily chasing after a little bird with my dad's camera...

It wasn't until the sun was high in the sky of Alexandria that I knew anything...

Pictures from the first day of 2005


alexandria


arching doorway


citadel of qaitbay


Saddam look-a-like


shady hallways


citadel roof


fisherman


Works by Socrates!!


and Aristotle!!!


A picture of the lighthouse of Alexandria - sorry PK, it was destroyed over 400 years ago!

1/03/2548

Compromise

After long and emotional "negotiations" within the family, finally we came to an agreement of sorts.

So... on Wednesday I'm flying back to BKK... then ten days later, on Saturday, I am returning to Cairo to spend 'quality time' with my father.

Which means a whisky and a smoke or two on the balcony with my father every evening. Except I'm not drinking for atleast six months in honour of my grandmother. So a coke... or a coffee... whichever is more readily available, I suppose.

So... lots of flying to do... Back to Thailand on the 2nd of February... then to Perth (hopefully) to spend time with my dearest on the 4th... before finally heading back to Melbourne for a meeting on the 10th.

What am I going to do to keep myself busy during the daytimes during my stay in Cairo? Study Arabic four - five hours a day. Seriously. Some people collect curios and trinkets when they go on holiday... I collect languages.

Anyhow... I'm feeling quite relieved to have finally reached some sort of conclusion... so I'm ready to thank some people who deserve some thanks for their support these past few days... (sorry I didn't mention this earlier... I was feeling quite introspective)

Thanks:

Pankaj... for being the best 'Jaan' I could ever wish for, despite all our differences. You are my rock, and even though we are miles apart right now... as we usually are, you are, as ever, always there for me... Thank-you, my love.

Tedy... for reading my blog and writing me an e-mail, and for praying for me. Maybe those prayers do work after all!

Itt... for putting a smile on my face atleast once or twice these past few days, with all that silly chatting! Khoop jai na ja!

Sarinda... for finally replying to my e-mail and letting me know you are ok (even though it took you a while!)... plus for all your supportive text messages!

Erno... for a calming evening walk, even though I was 'relatively' quiet (for a change), sometimes it's good to get out of my own head! ... even IF I did all the talking.

Nagla... for being an amazingly insightful Arabic teacher, and for being able to sense my mood even though we've only met three times! Shoukran!

Aditya & Akshay... for interrupting your new year celebrations to wish me your condolences when P called me.... It's great working with both of you!

My parents... for finally pulling through as my family... and for finally working things out and coming out with some honest feelings. You're the best!

last, but not least... Khun Yai: You passed away around the time I was a bit tipsy and climbing from a balcony onto a rooftop... If you died instead of me... I'm so sorry I risked my life that way. I won't be drinking in the next half year, or willingly engaging in any life-endangering activities from now on. Please come visit me soon - I'll be waiting for you in my dreams. Perhaps we'll go for a stroll through your garden, feed the fishes, and when it gets too hot, we can go inside to eat the wonderful Noinaa Kathi you always made for P'Oad and me... if you want to have lunch outside on the verandah, I'll be there to fend off the flies for you.

I sincerely hope you've found a better place... I'll be meditating for you tonight.

... ... ...

If I forgot anyone here, I don't mean to offend... my sincerest apologies - I'm not in the most sharp state of mind currently... That said, my sincerest apologies also to all those I may have been rude to these past few days without giving any reason. It's been a turbulent few days, and I thank all that have traversed my life during this period.

1/02/2548

balls on chains

click click click...

You know what I'm talking about? Those little lets of (usually) five balls on a rack, suspended by chains... When you pull one ball on one side, it starts this whole series of reactions... the ball on the opposite side bounces in reaction... and it continues that way until you nearly reach the end, and all the balls are bouncing this way and that, not quite knowing which way to bounce... and that's when somebody pulls the ball at the end again... and again... and in the end you have a huge jumble.

My parents are beautiful people. But for some reason we don't seem to have any catastrophe control and support mechanisms in our family.

Don't know what to do.

C'est la vie

I think this is the first time in my life (that I've been old enough to understand the concept of a new year) that I've slept through it.

Sleep can be a very welcome escape from the harsh realities of the world... and not to mention it does a good job preparing you for the next day if those things don't just go away when you ignore them.

The tsunami is real.

That my grandmother passed away yesterday (nothing to do with tsunami) is real.

I want to be back in Bangkok. I want to be there for my grandfather, my brothers... the rest of my family.

The cremation is on Tuesday. I hope I can get my ticket changed, but I don't know until tomorrow. Even if I can't make it on time, what really matters to me is to see my family.

My mother seems to think that it is not that important to attend... There's logic behind it, but that's where our differences lie... She's a very practical thinker. I let my heart decide matters such as these.

Khun Yai, I will meditate for you again tonight.

And all those dead and missing because of the tsunami: My mind is, as has been, with you still.