46 hours.
I don't know what to do with the next 46 hours. There's a million things I want to do before I head off to Newcastle for NLCAC...
... but there's not enough time to do even one thing properly.
Dammit, I hate apathy :(
6/27/2548
I don't know what to do with the next 46 hours. There's a million things I want to do before I head off to Newcastle for NLCAC...
... but there's not enough time to do even one thing properly.
Dammit, I hate apathy :(
6/26/2548
A sweet dream...
... that was more real than life...
A good dream for once. And it was no better than real life. So really, it's great. I'm doing fine. And I'm happy.
*sigh*
... a happy sigh.
I went out tonight. And I'm glad I did. I probably haven't been dancing for atleast six months. And the company couldn't have been better.
I felt an aura tonight, too. A lovely aura. It was warm and magnetic, and it made me want to hold his hand...
What more? We were at the Nightcat in Brunswick. I went to the bathroom before we left - there were a couple of lesbians getting it on in the stall next door to mine. I'm glad there are blissful people out there.
I feel blissful.
Good night.
6/24/2548
Nightmares, again
I had nightmares again last night... running... not exactly a nightmare because it was a little bit like a video game. There wasn't just one set of people I was running from... and I didn't feel scared. I just knew that I had to run. At one stage I was carrying a baby and running away from these two ten year old children. It was in a train station, and I had to get to platform nine... I knew which train tracks they were, but there was no corresponding platform. The train arrived there just when I'd managed to lose my pursuers, but I couldn't get on because I would have had to run across traintracks and get run over by the trains on other tracks... I think I almost made it, but then my phone rang and I woke up.
There was also this scene in the dream where I was determined to cause my brother-in-law to divorce my sister, because I wanted to marry him myself. He was some sort of holy person in the dream, and I had a great ambition to marry him, and was ready to betray my sister to achieve those ends. Odd. I don't have a sister...
Perhaps I'll look up what that means...
From dreammoods.com:
To dream that you miss a train, denotes missed opportunities or nearly escaping your death.
To dream of an extremely small baby, symbolizes your helplessness and your fears of letting others become aware of your vulnerabilities and incompetence. You may be afraid to ask for help and as a result tend to take matters into your own hands.
To dream that you are confronted or threatened by a gang, signifies circumstances or situations in your waking life which are overwhelming and you feel has ganged up on you. **this was the closest I could find to my multiple pursuers, although they weren't exactly a gang**
To seek a guru in your dream, suggests that you are trying to be more influential and powerful in the world. You are always in search for knowledge and inspiration. **I was seeking to marry a guru... which I think isn't quite the same thing...**
To dream that you have been betrayed, represents your suspicions about a particular person, relationship or situation. This dream often occurs when you are having feelings of insecurity and are faced with major commitments in your life at the same time. **So what if I'm trying to cause a betrayal?**
To dream that you or others are in distress, suggest that things will turn out better than you expected. You will find that all your worries were for nothing and need to lighten up.
To dream that you are in a panic, indicates a lack of control and power in your life. You may be feeling helpless in some situation or unable to make a clear decision.
To dream that you yearn for someone, foretells that you will find joy and contentment with your present love. **I really hope this is the pertinent one!!**
Gray indicates fear, fright, depression, ill health, ambivalence and confusion. You may feel emotionally distant or detached. **This was the general colour tone of the dream**
If you do not have a sister and dream that you have one, then it signifies some qualities that you need to activate or acknowledge within your own self. Pay attention to the actions and behavior of your dream sister. **My sister in the dream was a really quiet, modest girl, who knew that she was being betrayed, yet didn't say anything about it. She seemed a beautiful person, and I felt wrong betraying her, even though my dream-self did not**
There was also this scene in the dream where I was determined to cause my brother-in-law to divorce my sister, because I wanted to marry him myself. He was some sort of holy person in the dream, and I had a great ambition to marry him, and was ready to betray my sister to achieve those ends. Odd. I don't have a sister...
Perhaps I'll look up what that means...
From dreammoods.com:
To dream that you miss a train, denotes missed opportunities or nearly escaping your death.
To dream of an extremely small baby, symbolizes your helplessness and your fears of letting others become aware of your vulnerabilities and incompetence. You may be afraid to ask for help and as a result tend to take matters into your own hands.
To dream that you are confronted or threatened by a gang, signifies circumstances or situations in your waking life which are overwhelming and you feel has ganged up on you. **this was the closest I could find to my multiple pursuers, although they weren't exactly a gang**
To seek a guru in your dream, suggests that you are trying to be more influential and powerful in the world. You are always in search for knowledge and inspiration. **I was seeking to marry a guru... which I think isn't quite the same thing...**
To dream that you have been betrayed, represents your suspicions about a particular person, relationship or situation. This dream often occurs when you are having feelings of insecurity and are faced with major commitments in your life at the same time. **So what if I'm trying to cause a betrayal?**
To dream that you or others are in distress, suggest that things will turn out better than you expected. You will find that all your worries were for nothing and need to lighten up.
To dream that you are in a panic, indicates a lack of control and power in your life. You may be feeling helpless in some situation or unable to make a clear decision.
To dream that you yearn for someone, foretells that you will find joy and contentment with your present love. **I really hope this is the pertinent one!!**
Gray indicates fear, fright, depression, ill health, ambivalence and confusion. You may feel emotionally distant or detached. **This was the general colour tone of the dream**
If you do not have a sister and dream that you have one, then it signifies some qualities that you need to activate or acknowledge within your own self. Pay attention to the actions and behavior of your dream sister. **My sister in the dream was a really quiet, modest girl, who knew that she was being betrayed, yet didn't say anything about it. She seemed a beautiful person, and I felt wrong betraying her, even though my dream-self did not**
6/23/2548
Stressed?
Two ways to cope with exam stress. Hide or procrastinate.
:)
Good luck to anyone still having exams.
I'm sick :( (and now, I'm not referring to my state of mind, but rather my physical state)
:)
Good luck to anyone still having exams.
I'm sick :( (and now, I'm not referring to my state of mind, but rather my physical state)
Ranting after exams
Just as the golden deer abscondeth as
It sees the wielding hunter from afar,
'tis always that which one most desireth
With ill countenance will it one avoid.
Truly, a thing so fiercely desired
The mind maketh grander with each musing
Will never be sweet in reality
As imagination doth render it.
But...
Crappy sonnets aside (sorry, my exam yesterday involved Shakespeare)...
I bet Fortune is having a bad hairday. It's not that the ultra-hyped up event turned out a disappointment. That would have been my own fault. I would have gotten an HD just for effort were this an academic endeavour.
It just never happened, that's all. I spent my entire morning preparing for a momentous night out - instead of studying for my exam in the afternoon. My mind was already flying out of the exam-venue before I ever started writing. I cancelled all other plans for this one.
And then?
Seems like a Karmic slap in the face. "You should have studied, numbskull" says Ms."K".
How frail is the shiv'ring human body
That so haplessly succumbs to sickness...
A lot has been on my mind of late. I've been dreaming every night. That's how I know. I mean, it's really not the tangible problems of life that are plagueing my conscious at the moment. It's those fears I've been harbouring for almost 4 months now - they know they are getting stronger, and they are coming close to the surface. My nightnares are so real. I never once in my life woke with tears streaming down my cheeks until Monday night.
But. So. They are nothing but fears. And so it must be... The greater the fear the stronger the attachment.
On the surface then, it would seem that my will to pull through would be greater as a result of this fear. And perhaps it is. Or perhaps I shall just be butter at the knees and crumble before I even stand.
Why can't I just have that self-assured courage in the place of this fear-induced, cowardly determination?
Or, shall we take another line of argument? It is said that to be brave, one first has to know fear. So when will this bravery come? It has seven days to reveal itself to me.
It's quite touching the way both of us are having nightmares, when you think about it...
By the way... Did I mention? Exams are OVER!!! =)
It sees the wielding hunter from afar,
'tis always that which one most desireth
With ill countenance will it one avoid.
Truly, a thing so fiercely desired
The mind maketh grander with each musing
Will never be sweet in reality
As imagination doth render it.
But...
Crappy sonnets aside (sorry, my exam yesterday involved Shakespeare)...
I bet Fortune is having a bad hairday. It's not that the ultra-hyped up event turned out a disappointment. That would have been my own fault. I would have gotten an HD just for effort were this an academic endeavour.
It just never happened, that's all. I spent my entire morning preparing for a momentous night out - instead of studying for my exam in the afternoon. My mind was already flying out of the exam-venue before I ever started writing. I cancelled all other plans for this one.
And then?
Seems like a Karmic slap in the face. "You should have studied, numbskull" says Ms."K".
How frail is the shiv'ring human body
That so haplessly succumbs to sickness...
***(*)***(*)***
A lot has been on my mind of late. I've been dreaming every night. That's how I know. I mean, it's really not the tangible problems of life that are plagueing my conscious at the moment. It's those fears I've been harbouring for almost 4 months now - they know they are getting stronger, and they are coming close to the surface. My nightnares are so real. I never once in my life woke with tears streaming down my cheeks until Monday night.
But. So. They are nothing but fears. And so it must be... The greater the fear the stronger the attachment.
On the surface then, it would seem that my will to pull through would be greater as a result of this fear. And perhaps it is. Or perhaps I shall just be butter at the knees and crumble before I even stand.
Why can't I just have that self-assured courage in the place of this fear-induced, cowardly determination?
Or, shall we take another line of argument? It is said that to be brave, one first has to know fear. So when will this bravery come? It has seven days to reveal itself to me.
It's quite touching the way both of us are having nightmares, when you think about it...
***(*)***(*)***
By the way... Did I mention? Exams are OVER!!! =)
6/21/2548
"Culturally Creative"
Not bad... pretty accurate, I would say... While I was doing the quiz, I thought I'd probably come out as "Get a life - you are CONFUSED!!" but nope... try it out - it's pretty short!
You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.
Cultural Creative | 94% | ||
Idealist | 69% | ||
Postmodernist | 69% | ||
Materialist | 63% | ||
Romanticist | 63% | ||
Existentialist | 38% | ||
Modernist | 31% | ||
Fundamentalist | 31% |
What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com
6/18/2548
6/17/2548
Law DOWN, Arts to go!
The sound of shouting followed me out of the exam room... turning around, I saw Stuart, arms outstretched, a look of excruciating pain on his face. As he got closer, I realised that he was not shouting in pain - and his face appeared not to be contorted into a grimace, but rather, a smile.
'IT'S OOOOOOOOOOOVVVVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR!!!!!'
Still confused as to whether he was in pain or experiencing intense joy, or simply delirium from not having slept for several days, I advanced towards him with a cautious smile. His arms were still outstretched.
'Give me a HUUUUUGGGG!'
I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw that he was not about to reenact any scenes of manslaughter excusable as a result of sane automatism.
'Phew - I need a drink na.'
'Yeah, let's go for a drink tonight la.'
As can be naturally expected, the conversation soon turned to the trials and triumphs of the exam, a conversation which, was going well until a finger tapped on my elbow. Jason.
'Hi! Long time no see!'
'Yeah... it's been a year'
...to be continued...
or not.
My next exam is my creative writing exam. Just getting in the mood :)
'IT'S OOOOOOOOOOOVVVVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR!!!!!'
Still confused as to whether he was in pain or experiencing intense joy, or simply delirium from not having slept for several days, I advanced towards him with a cautious smile. His arms were still outstretched.
'Give me a HUUUUUGGGG!'
I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw that he was not about to reenact any scenes of manslaughter excusable as a result of sane automatism.
'Phew - I need a drink na.'
'Yeah, let's go for a drink tonight la.'
As can be naturally expected, the conversation soon turned to the trials and triumphs of the exam, a conversation which, was going well until a finger tapped on my elbow. Jason.
'Hi! Long time no see!'
'Yeah... it's been a year'
...to be continued...
or not.
My next exam is my creative writing exam. Just getting in the mood :)
6/13/2548
Love is in the air...
Why is it that I keep hearing love songs everywhere I go? Last night my soundscape was (after I decided to give up studying and go for a drink with Sidhaesh instead...) something along the lines of:
*honk honk*
*whistles*
"...it's Friday I'm in love..."
*sirens*
"whoohoo!"
"...what is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..."
"...oooh... really??"
*more honking*
"...love is in the air, everywhere..."
*click*
"...my baby the perfectionist..."
"...speak low, when you speak love... ...love is a spark, lost in the dark, too soon, too soon..."
Just a comment to Itt, in the way of procrastination (study, what's that??!): Postmodern love? There's a postmodern version of everything nowadays... *sigh* Damn Andy Warhol! Maybe Valerie should have succeeded in killing him after all... Sex first then love? Perhaps I'm just a little bit traditional and prefer it the conventional way?
Anyhow, the message is love... obviously. I didn't hear any songs about sex that normally are unavoidable in the noise-pollution in the pop soundscape that is the outside world... Last night was all about love :) And that's how it should be (do songs like "It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes" make you feel good?
**disclaimer: I do not endorse the views of Valerie Solanas - I just find her a very interesting case study - what must have been going on in her mind? She makes a lot of points in the SCUM manifesto that resound with a lot of modern feminist thought... only to serve, I find, as a gross exaggeration and caricature of it - but nonetheless taking it's shape from the truth...**
I shall leave this topic here and perhaps expand on the topic of Valerie Solanas and postmodern love some other time when I am done with my law exams...
*honk honk*
*whistles*
"...it's Friday I'm in love..."
*sirens*
"whoohoo!"
"...what is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..."
"...oooh... really??"
*more honking*
"...love is in the air, everywhere..."
*click*
"...my baby the perfectionist..."
"...speak low, when you speak love... ...love is a spark, lost in the dark, too soon, too soon..."
Just a comment to Itt, in the way of procrastination (study, what's that??!): Postmodern love? There's a postmodern version of everything nowadays... *sigh* Damn Andy Warhol! Maybe Valerie should have succeeded in killing him after all... Sex first then love? Perhaps I'm just a little bit traditional and prefer it the conventional way?
Anyhow, the message is love... obviously. I didn't hear any songs about sex that normally are unavoidable in the noise-pollution in the pop soundscape that is the outside world... Last night was all about love :) And that's how it should be (do songs like "It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes" make you feel good?
**disclaimer: I do not endorse the views of Valerie Solanas - I just find her a very interesting case study - what must have been going on in her mind? She makes a lot of points in the SCUM manifesto that resound with a lot of modern feminist thought... only to serve, I find, as a gross exaggeration and caricature of it - but nonetheless taking it's shape from the truth...**
I shall leave this topic here and perhaps expand on the topic of Valerie Solanas and postmodern love some other time when I am done with my law exams...
6/11/2548
I, Potato.
I can't believe this.... my dad's been bored enough to google my name:
I am apparently a type of potato ...
I especially like the part about my firm texture and excellent taste.
I am apparently a type of potato ...
I especially like the part about my firm texture and excellent taste.
- Variety Information - Valisa
 | ||
| Overview | | Valisa is a second early to maincrop table variety which is suitable for dehydration. It is recognised for consistently good table characteristics and is not susceptible to bruising. Valisa is ideal for peeling and the production of sliced potatoes. Valisa is early maturing with oval yellow fleshed medium to large tubers that's suitable for fresh markets and dehydration products. Tuber initiation occurs early and the vine is medium sized with a rapid, strong, upright development. |
| Characteristics | Shape: Round Oval to Oval Skin: Yellow Flesh: Dark Yellow Market Use: Fresh and Processing Market Early Maturing | |
| Maturity | Second early to maincrop, early tuber initiation round oval to oval, attractive shape, medium sized to large tubers with shallow eyes, yellow skin, yellow to dark yellow flesh. | |
| Consumer Quality | Fairly firm texture, excellent taste | |
| Processing | Suitable for dehydrated products | |
| Foliage | Medium tall, rapid and very strong development. | |
| Yield | High | |
| Storability | Good | |
| Disease Reaction |
|
6/05/2548
Want vs Need
I'm sure there are others out there who share this problem with me.
When I want things, I'm alright with asking. I want a shoulder rub. I want to go see a movie. I want to take a few pictures. Can a I bum a ciggy off you, please?
But need... When I need a helping hand, I can't seem to bring myself to ask for it. Why is that? I need help in understanding this problem. I need help to stand up. I need to eat. How difficult can it be?
See, yesterday I was working on a set, and the scenario involved gunfire, which meant a lot of running in high heels bent down or crawling on the ground. A lot of strain on the muscles at the front of the upper leg (whatever it's called). And today I can not walk. Seriously. My muscles are so sore if I twitch my foot, I feel like somebody has punched my leg. And here I am in a house surrounded by people and I'm not asking anyone if they could possibly help me. Instead I'm limping around, then sitting and feeling sorry for myself.
Maybe it's a pride thing - that's the sad conclusion I've reached. Or perhaps it's a fear issue? Either I'm too proud to ask for help when I need it or else I'm afraid of what would happen if I asked and that person said 'no'. I know, though, that any of my friends would be more than happy to help out if I were ever in need. I know I am more than happy to help any of them out. So ... like I said earlier, it must be pride.
Who else has issues with this? Or am I just weird in some way?
Back to studying :)
When I want things, I'm alright with asking. I want a shoulder rub. I want to go see a movie. I want to take a few pictures. Can a I bum a ciggy off you, please?
But need... When I need a helping hand, I can't seem to bring myself to ask for it. Why is that? I need help in understanding this problem. I need help to stand up. I need to eat. How difficult can it be?
See, yesterday I was working on a set, and the scenario involved gunfire, which meant a lot of running in high heels bent down or crawling on the ground. A lot of strain on the muscles at the front of the upper leg (whatever it's called). And today I can not walk. Seriously. My muscles are so sore if I twitch my foot, I feel like somebody has punched my leg. And here I am in a house surrounded by people and I'm not asking anyone if they could possibly help me. Instead I'm limping around, then sitting and feeling sorry for myself.
Maybe it's a pride thing - that's the sad conclusion I've reached. Or perhaps it's a fear issue? Either I'm too proud to ask for help when I need it or else I'm afraid of what would happen if I asked and that person said 'no'. I know, though, that any of my friends would be more than happy to help out if I were ever in need. I know I am more than happy to help any of them out. So ... like I said earlier, it must be pride.
Who else has issues with this? Or am I just weird in some way?
Back to studying :)
6/04/2548
This is not the best time to get sleepy
Why why why why? I've been virtually sleepless for a year, and now when I really need to cram for my law exam, I *just* *can't* *keep* *my* *eyes* *open*. F---. Seriously, I'm falling asleep all over the place - on the tram, on a chair, just a moment ago on this laptop. And what's worse is I can't seem to retain any body heat, so here I am, huddled in a ball in Sidhaesh, Jeremy and Vijay's houses' living room, too scared to get up because I'm afraid I'm going to get cold. The moment I lose any body heat, it seems to take me half an hour to recover it for some reason.
And to think, this morning I was in a film shooting for a Korean game company and standing in front of the state library pretending it was summer. What's wrong with the Koreans? Even if they came in the summer, they'd have problems finding the sun in Melbourne... and now they are here in the middle of Australian winter. I guess they have excellent fortune, though, because for the first time in weeks, the sun was shining!
But yes... For some reason I feel colder now on the sofa, wearing a jacket and covered with a blanket than I did wearing a light skirt and top outside at 10 degrees. The quirks this body produces never fail to amaze me.
*Must* *not* *close* *eyelids*
... ... zzz ...z
And to think, this morning I was in a film shooting for a Korean game company and standing in front of the state library pretending it was summer. What's wrong with the Koreans? Even if they came in the summer, they'd have problems finding the sun in Melbourne... and now they are here in the middle of Australian winter. I guess they have excellent fortune, though, because for the first time in weeks, the sun was shining!
But yes... For some reason I feel colder now on the sofa, wearing a jacket and covered with a blanket than I did wearing a light skirt and top outside at 10 degrees. The quirks this body produces never fail to amaze me.
*Must* *not* *close* *eyelids*
... ... zzz ...z
6/03/2548
Puzzle freaks, revel in the joy of free internet games!
Must check these out! Nice, bite-size yet challenging puzzles for the enthusiast! All done by a flash genious!
Try them out!
The Crimson Chamber
The Viridian Chamber
The Blue Chamber
Try them out!
The Crimson Chamber
The Viridian Chamber
The Blue Chamber
6/01/2548
Don't know what to study - Wa lau
As the title suggests, it seems I am not studying right now and I am thinking in Singaporean slang...
Not good.
Really. Not good.
But I wrote a new story, submitted today, along with an exegesis. I think I did a good job. What do you think? (It's called 'Nok's Flight')
Not good.
Really. Not good.
But I wrote a new story, submitted today, along with an exegesis. I think I did a good job. What do you think? (It's called 'Nok's Flight')