5/22/2548

Thanks Tedy and Adrian...

...for the most productive national executive we've had all year!

The one where we appointed PK as National Gensec was a first step to increased prodctivity... and this one is one where we've finally been allowed to start using our productive capabilities!

I haven't looked forward to National Exec before, so this is great! Even if it is taking a long time, it is actually mentally stimulating!

Cheers!

5/21/2548

Losing heart

I hate to sound apathetic... and perhaps this will, at best.

It seems that problems keep surfacing in relation to my upbringing. Not with my moral or ethical upbringing. My parents are wonderful people, and any moral discrepancies I have are of my own doing.

But... friends? love?

Why is it that I can never tell my friends how I really feel about things? Why am I always 'happy'? It's like I've developed this mentality where I seem to think that I'm going to lose my friends in a couple years anyhow, so there's no point in really showing emotion... I can understand why the unlucky few who I love and feel like I can let down my guard with end up being the most hurt. It must seem like they just make me miserable.

The truth is, I'm miserable about a lot of things. I'm not a particularly happy person. I just wish I could show that side to the few people who I love. But it's so difficult - before they get to that stage, I've been 'happy' for so long.

It's a viscious cycle. A person makes me so happy and so comfortable that I feel like I can be myself - when I am, it upsets that person. I'm not that 'happy' person I used to be. So when I just need somebody to be weak with sometimes, I end up upsetting that person. Then I have to be strong again.

Maybe there is somebody out there who would understand... but the terrible paradox with that is that that person would be the same, would be a person that wants to let go as much as I do. I've come to the reluctant conclusion that I need to stop looking for that person. Those people that grew up with me as 'global dust' are not easily pinned down. It's not possible. But I guess they all need a home as much as I do sometimes.

Help... I'm so tired of being strong. I'm so tired of 'temporary'.

5/19/2548

Think-Navi

In case anyone in Finland is reading this... in a few months, look out for Think-Navi's GPRS navigator that will be hitting the markets.

Why?

The directions are given by yours truly. Hehe.

The competitors did a serious, official voice, aiming at that 30s to 40s market... they are aiming at 20s-30s, so they wanted a not so serious, happy voice :)

So yeah. Watch out for it :)

5/18/2548

...no worries...

So free now...

A couple days ago, I was sitting infront of this very computer, staring at the screen. For a very. VERY. Long time. Sidhaesh looked up at me, at length, and asked me 'What are you looking so worried about baby?'... I said 'nothing'. 'Nothing?' He got up and came over to take a look at my screen. 'You realise that's the screensaver, don't you?'

'Yep'

'You just don't know what to do, do you?'

'Nope'... But I was smiling, albeit worriedly.

I have time to study!!

Too much time. I can't believe it.

Ok. I have things to do.

But.

Still.

:)

5/15/2548

All over, now what?

I feel like I've just hit a brick wall, gone through, and now I'm standing on the other side, looking back, knowing I should pick up the bricks but knowing I'm under no obligation to.

So... what does this mean?

Well...

-My term as Branch Convenor of NLC Victoria is over. No more liability to my state, other than transition of new office bearers.
-It's a relief to be on the other side.
-It hurts because I rammed through that wall a little too fast and hard
-I'm not sure what do now - Sidhaesh is looking at me, saying I've got a very worried look on my face.

But... ... well... Yesterday's branch annual conference went well. I thought Victoria would die, and nobody would step up to take positions, but Doorshy nominated himself. And not only is he very very capable, he's also very experienced. I feel that I've left the organisation in very good hands. Besides that, he's also vegetarian.

But hmmm... I feel burned out.

To end on a more positive note, here's a little analogy I thought of...

Love.

When there's love between two people, it's like a big, hard, marble slab... perhaps pink marble, but marble nonetheless. It's smooth, so you can spill things on it, stomp on it, create a huge mess... and it'll look like it's beyond saving and you'll maybe cry a lot. But then, all you need to do is take a cloth and wipe it a little bit, and that marble slab is cleaned as if nothing had ever disturbed it's surface. That rock isn't going anywhere. That's love.

As I haven't updated in ages, here are some pictures from the past few months...




Pictures from Annual Conference


Kenny's birtday party after conference


The New Queen of Victoria

Those were pictures from yesterday... now for some very late updates... If anyone wants me to send the original pictures in softcopy, just let me know... there are heaps more than what I've posted :)


Tenzing's birthday




pictures from the National Day of Action...




A few things I designed for the NDA...


This one's Kelvin's



What would the NDA have been without a few friends?