away jaaaaa

Merry X-mas...

I'm off to Hua Hin so I won't be on-line for a little while :(

Hopefully some of you will visit me there for new year!

level of happiness =

HIGH!!

I'm so happy I've got some of the best friends in the world... even if there are a few misunderstandings along the way, because... well... that's life!

A huge thanks, to everyone, and especially to Kan, for always being there for me, na!!

And besides that, my parents are coming tomorrow morning! I haven't seen them in a year, so I'm really excited about it :)

Thanks to all!

Strange development...

I'm listening to Thai music!!! Aaaaargh!

Hehe, well, I never would have expected it of myself, but hell, I may as well do as my friends do so they don't think I'm so weird!

I'm even making an effort to dress a little more 'girly' and not so 'adult' all the time... I guess that's just cos I've started to feel a little old now... and not to mention, it seems that all my Thai friends are younger than me (And nobody calls me 'Pi'!!!).

When in Rome...


But this is the song that has captured most of my attention, for some strange reason:

เรื่องเดียว
(one thing)

มุมมองคนเรา หลากหลายแตกต่างกันไป
(our way of seeing the world is different)
ฉันอาจสื่อสารได้ไม่เข้าใจ ว่าจริงๆแล้วต้องการพูดอะไร
(i might not be able to make you understand what I mean)
แต่อยู่ที่เพลงนึง เพลงที่ลึกซึ้งและก็กินใจ
(but it's in one song that is deep in my heart)
แต่กลัวเธอฟังแล้วอาจจะไม่เข้าใจ จึงอยากจะร้องเพลงนี้ให้เธอรู้เอาไว้
(but I'm afraid you won't understand if you listen, so i'll sing it to you so you know)

* ว่ามีเพียงเรื่องเดียว เป็นเรื่องเดียวที่อยากจะให้เธอฟังและเข้าใจด้านเดียว
(there's just one thing, one thing that i want you to hear and understand)
ไม่ต้องคิดอะไร และไม่ได้หมายความอื่นใด ฉันก็พร้อมไม่มีอะไรข้องเกี่ยว
(don't take this the wrong way, I don't mean to complicate things)
(ฉัน)มีเพียงแค่เรื่องเดียว เป็นเรื่องเดียวที่อยากจะให้เธอฟังและเข้าใจผู้เดียว
(there's just one thing, one thing that I want only you to understand)
ไม่ต้องคิดมากมาย ฉันไม่ได้หมายความอื่นใด มองที่ฉันแอบรักเธออยู่รู้ไหม
(don't take this the wrong way, it's simple, I just wanted you to know I secretly love you, you know?)

แค่คุยกันบางทีอาจน้อย จนเธออาจเลยไป
(sometimes we speak too little and you might not realise)
อาจฟังไม่ชัดและอาจจะดูไม่ใช่ จึงอยากจะร้องเพลงนี้ให้เธอเข้าใจ
(it might not be clear and maybe it doesn't look like it, so that's why I want to sing you this song so you understand)

(ซ้ำ *)
(repeat*)

ไม่ต้องคิดอะไรทั้งนั้น ไม่ต้องมากอะไรทั้งนั้น ฉันรักเธอรักเธอ
(please don't take this wrong, but I love you, love you)
ไม่ต้องคิดอะไรทั้งนั้น ไม่ต้องมากอะไรทั้งนั้น ฉันรักเธอคนเดียว
(please don't take this wrong, but I love you alone)

(ซ้ำ *)
(repeat*)

I'm in love....

...with all you wonderful people!

Thank-you to EVERYONE who remembered my birthday! I'm surprised that so many people wished me, so I'm not going to go about naming you all!

Just....

THANK-YOU!

Right wing and other right wing!

Before I go into the point of this blog... I'd like to wish myself a happy birthday!

And thanks to Ton, P'Oad, and Kan (in that order) for wishing me right after midnight...

Thanks P'Ed, P'Sally and Little Sand for day-early birthday lunch at emporium!

Now... to the point:

After beating Dragon Quest VIII, there is a sidequest that leads one into the world of the Dragovian's. During this sidequest, a team of four monsters pops up, that must be fought.

1. Right Wing
2. Head of State
3. Body Politic
4. Left Wing

These four monsters fuse together to form a monster called the Democrobot. But during the fusion, "Left Wing" becomes "Other Right Wing"

What is this suggesting?

1. In a democratic system, there is no real left wing, only two right wings
2. Democracy is evil and must be destroyed
3. Democracy will seek to destroy you, so democracy must be destroyed

I wanted to write about it for Mega, but Kan thought it would simply baffle the simple readers of Thailand's top gaming magazine. Besides, I asked P'Oad about it, and he simply said... "Who gives a shit??!"

So there you have it. The authors of the English translation of DQ8 slid in a submissive message for the boys (and few girls) playing the game, and perhaps the generation will grow up to destroy democracy not knowing where the deep-rooted hatred came from.

I wonder if the names were the same in Japanese? If they were, then I seriously wonder what the imperialists are thinking? Or is it just imperialist gamers of Japan?

But I like the suggestion that there is no true left wing in democracy... straight to the point! And a rather political message for an otherwise quite straightforward game!

An ongoing sorrow

There are worse things that happen in the world than the deterioration of relationships. But if there's anything that can get a person crying for hours, it isn't the starving children in the world, it isn't the millions dieing of AIDS. Although those are tragic things, it's always what is closest to a heart that a person cries about.

I used to think that the reason I always ended in tears when I talked to my oldest brother was because he didn't approve of the things I wanted to do, or because he was so harsh in his manner of speaking.

But I've come to realise that that is really only the surface. And my previous theory can't be right. When people tell me what I can and cannot do, I get angry, not sad. When people criticise me, I take the opportunity to improve.

Tonight, my brother didn't specifically deny me the chance to do anything. He didn't criticise me.

And I realised why it is that ever since I was around 15 or 16, I cry for hours after I've talked to my brother. It's because I feel like I've lost a friend. I feel like I've lost a brother. There hasn't really been any communication for years.

I know I shouldn't be attached to the past, but the truth is, I know I used to be close to him. I know we used to have so much fun together. And I know I was a difficult teenager, and I guess that is what has caused the bridge to crumble... I'd so desperately like to build it again. I'm not sad because I couldn't go out tonight.

Nobody told me I couldn't go to the jazz festival. I'd rather miss it, because it makes me sad to leave now. Right now I'd gladly sit at home every night and every day on my very best behaviour if only I could have my oldest brother back.

Busy busy busy

Thailand is a great place to be for someone with friends scattered all over the world. People seem to quite enjoy coming to Bangkok... so that means I don't have to worry too much about having friends over... I guess the downside is that I have to revisit the same sites every year to show people around ... but that's ok, cos I get to see the people I love!

Currently, Kirsti and her boyfriend Seppo are here in Thailand, and are staying in BKK until my birthday and joining me for dinner :) Yay!

So yes... today took them to Wat Phra Kaew, Silpakorn University, on the ferry across the Chao Phraya River and Siam Square *phew* What a day!









Just to change the topic... I had a brilliant start to this day... I was published in "The Nation". I wrote a letter to the editor criticising this person who had totally bashed Thai people... I wasn't happy at all!

Here's what I wrote:

Whilst I wholeheartedly agree with the author of the yesterday's opinion piece, my agreement does not extend further than the title and the first sentence: "Thaksin alone is not powerful enough to cause society's ills." I concur that it is certainly short-sighted and shallow to blame one person for all of society's ills. However, I have not gotten the impression that anyone - let alone everyone - is doing so, as the author suggests. Naturally, the prime minister, being the figurehead of the TRT party and of Thailand, will be the focus of most of the attacks. This does not mean, however, that anyone truly believes that he is the spawn of evil in Thai society.

The author turns around and blames everything on Thai society. However, by calling Thai society "unethical, selfish and greedy", the only thing the author really highlights is his own patronising attitude toward Thai people. Firstly, he believes that Thai people have all been duped en-masse into believing that one man can somehow be the root of all ills. Secondly, by highlighting that everyone is to blame - "teachers, students, politicians, monks, community leaders and followers" - he has managed to stereotype an entire nation.

Does the author not also, as he put it in his piece, "blame everyone else for [his] problems"? I am suggesting that stereotyping is discriminatory, and that in itself is a problem. Is this patronising attitude of the author truly the fault of the citizens of Thailand?

He also refers to Thai people as being short sighted by nature, and that this attitude is what causes society's ills. Perhaps it has not occurred to the author from his perch that he too is a member of society as long as he resides in Thailand.

Valisa
Bangkok

Just to end on a different note: Indy has an answer to everything, and that answer is SHRIMP! "Kung Khrap!" says Indy.

Farewell...

Is this the end of student-unionism as we know it?



Yes, the amendment has been passed.

I guess we're fucked.

To the rescue

I was feeling really shitty today and went out for a walk on my own, ended up in a cafe near ABAC. Just reading Harper's (the political magazine and not the women's magazine!!!)... and found that I share a similarity with Jack Kerouac...

Excerpts from Harper's Magazine, October 2005
A medical history of Jack Kerouac:

"[He] described experiences that were interpreted to be auditory and visual hallucinations."

"[Later,] the patient denied ever having had hallucinatory experiences, explaining the previously decribed experiences as "echo" effects in his mind of conversations he had had previously."

Hehehe..... This sounds so familiar! I get these "echo effects" of previous conversations, too, but there needs to be a trigger. I guess I am fortunate and I have been able to control and turn them to my advantage. Particularly, they are useful in exams. Under exam-stress-conditions, the questions trigger memories of teachers' and lecturers' words and I get the answers to the questions as though straight from the original teller.

This is why, during my school years, I never had to study, as I never missed class. University is more difficult, because time-table clashes mean I miss some classes. Also, the size and level of the interaction in class has a direct influence. I find that I remember things my tutors say far better than what my lecturers say...

Anyhow... as I was sitting in that cafe making this revelation about my connection with Jack Kerouac, I was, ofcourse, feeling rather down. The thing is, I hate to hear people I care about cry... and I've been hearing that these past two days. Kan called and heard my voice and came to the rescue! Ofcourse, I had a mental breakdown first because he insisted that I talk it through and get it out of my system.... but then afterwards I felt the results of the catharsis.

Feeling better...

THANK-YOU for being a great friend!!


By the way... it's been a while since I paid any attention to my inner child:

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How Is Your Inner Child?

chills

I just had the most terrible dream where Alba jumped off the balcony, because she didn't under that it would hurt. I saw her jump off and I was thinking shit. My heart racing, I rushed down the stairs... She was so limp - it was so lifelike! I took her to the hospital, but the vet wasn't in, and wouldn't be for the next few days. I was at a loss - didn't know what to do. Woke up in tears.

I hate that kind of dream. It's just one of those days... There's a bit of a dark cloud looming above me and I feel as though my heart were going to break.

But the good news is that Alba is very well and is too busy licking and chewing her foot to notice me. I'm wondering how she's doing mentally instead... This foot-biting has been going on for the past 15 minutes now.

mixed feelings part III

Is obsession *really* the way forward?

Believe me - I'm sorry.

But again, to change the subject... I felt really stressed during the daytime, and for some strange reason I just fell asleep. It's like I couldn't take it anymore and just shutdown. I had another strange dream, again related to videogames.

I've been playing dragonquest - so I guess it's no surprise I should dream about it, other than the fact that I've never, before today, had dreams that feature videogames.

Anyhow, in this dream, I am enthralled by the dark wizard Dhoulmagus - even though I know he is an evil bastard, and I allow him to 'court' me (the setting of the game is medieval). I am wearing white - a corset and knee length erm... do you call them bloomers or what? (like I said, the setting is medieval, but I have no idea why I was in my medieval underwear) But then I change my mind and break away, although he is trying to control me. When I run away I hide in a public toilet (no longer medieval), and wait for the colours of the walls and ceiling to return to normal. They are flashing wildly as though under some strange curse. And when that is over... where do I find myself but Melbourne University, trying to flush toilet paper down a toilet bowl that seems to reject it. When I give up with the flushing and come out, I need to take part in some strike. All the factions are meant to work together, but when I try to find out where it is, the ALS girls at Melbourne Uni are super-bitchy to me and refuse to tell me where it is.

So I'm flipping through some magazines at the library trying to find the answer when in occurs to me that probably something happened at the NUS conference that I'm entirely unaware of. Since I'm not there, I think perhaps I should call Akshay, but before I can do so, the conference is over and the Melbourne Uni student unionists are pelleting me with rocks and saying I'm with the "moonies" (whatever that means - I have NO IDEA!) while Akshay shows up and tells me I need to go for a meeting with him and the new NUS president. He seems quite stressed, and when I see the new president and gensec of NUS, I've never seen their faces before, and I don't hesitate to make it known to the president, that "I've never seen your ugly face before." The point isn't that I am trying to be rude, although I am by then very emotionally distressed by the behaviour of the girls - it's just that it slipps out because his features really are very very very ugly. But then I feel bad for hurting his feelings cos he doesn't join us for lunch anymore. The new gensec is much more amicable in his countenance, though.

But then I woke up... so I guess I'll never know what happens next. I just feel tired and nauseous right now.

mixed feelings part II

Ok, a little more stress-removal, which I am doing on my blog, because I'm too scared to be personal and confrontational, but I want to be honest, nonetheless (and again, sorry to those that have no clue what I'm talking about):

There's a time and place for being blind and pushing on - this is not one of them.

Ok. There's my cryptic message for the day. Chnage of subject. Now I'm going to post a few more pics of Udon Thani, because I know that they'll cheer up someone's day, even if it's not mine. Atleast I'm doing a little bit of good. Try not to stress over results, na, my dear friend!

But before I do that, I was dreaming last night about playing a videogame... But it wasn't anything I've ever played before... At the same time it was a portable console, like a PSP, but it was fully interactive, too. As in, it was like real life, but I knew I was in a videogame and could switch it off at any stage. It was like a cross between Zelda, Dragonquest and Xenosaga in one game... plus, it had high elements of 'darkness', as though from a gloomy oil painting... very black, and faded red and grey schemes.

I was playing with various people, too. There was this girl - I have no idea who she was, that I played with. The this one guy who seemed to be an amalgamation of 'the type' of guys I tend to develop a crush on.

My parents were there, too... but they were having lunch (it was raining, too). And they were scolding - get this!! - Kan(!) for playing too many videogames and being late for lunch, and saying he would have to wait until dinner.

Poor Kan - looked so stressed! Can't eat for another 5 hours! Don't know what to do already!

But hehehe... just to set the record straight: My parents are wonderful people who would hate to see anyone feeling hungry (especially my mother - she's always hanging around making sure that there are enough snacks for everyone!). They are also used to such atrocities such as both me and P'Oad waking up only around 6 p.m. in time for dinner... so they are pretty lenient about eating times!

Oh, yes, and P'Oad was also in the dream, my big brother - as always giving me advice about gaming. Thanks! You are there to advise me even in the dream realm!

Ok. Right. I was going to post pics of Udon Thani. Here goes!


Were you aware that the Church is now trying to convert the people of the Isaan region by making them drink holy water??

Pictures from the Market:

mixed feelings

Back from Udon Thani... it was a fun trip... but before I start publishing pictures of the journey, I feel I should let go of a little anxiety I feel onto this post.

I just don't know how I feel about things anymore.

That's all. I guess I shouldn't really delve any further into the stressing issue. Some of you may have heard way too much about this already... some of you may have no idea what the hell I'm talking about. That's ok.

Let's just skip to Udon Thani now. I can sum up the trip in two words: I'm STUFFED!!!

It appears that for the host family, food comes first, before anything else!


First meal in Udon Thani


I was unsure of what to take pictures of, so Nic and Jan said I should take picture's of Thai people...


Look, no hands! Nic and 'A' go a-rowin'


On the steps of Kan's Uncle's house


By the pond... waiting for those rowing to return safely...


Biking around


Not just dinner, a banquet!


The girls hit the target!

Ok.... I'm too lazy to put up more photos on my blog now.... More will be put up later...

For now, it's back to the very exciting DragonQuest VIII!!

Short note from Udon road trip

Why is it that the more people there are around me, the more depressed I feel?

What's wrong with me?

Off to see.... the Naga

I'm off to Udon Thani (near the border of Laos) ... the city of the mythical(??) Naga (Thai: PhayaNag), a creature reputed to cast fireballs out of the Mekong River. But before I go, I'm going to try one more time to upload photos of Chatuchak market last weekend...


This is how Kan looks after HALF a can of beer!!


Me? All good!







The people in Chatuchak:


This waiter reminds me of this western actor... can't remember his name... aaargh! If anyone has the same thought, please tell me who it is!


Oooh yeah, check out the ass (why do Thai police uniforms have to be so tight??!)


What is it about Thailand that draws hippies searching for their soul? Do you see Thai people roaming around the country in rastas looking for their soul??!


Bangkok Cowboy... This dude is COOL!!