9/07/2549
9/06/2549
A response
"Enlightenment for a Wave in the Ocean is the Moment the wave Realises that it is Water."
I was browsing Tedy's blog today, and there was a post with the ever-salient question: What is the meaning of life? And I thought... Hmmm... well, I'm a philosophy student, perhaps I should give it a go. And I replied in his comments section... but then I thought, I'll modify it a little and see what people think?
I had this feeling I’ve coined “the omnipresent why” after yoga-class today. And it gets me really really depressed. It's not a materialistic why - like a "why do I not have more money?" or "Why is she prettier than me?". It's a metaphysical why - "Why do I bother? Why should I keep living? Why do I do what I do? Why don't I retire to a life of meditation?" As I was walking home, I tried to reason my way out of it. But that didn’t help. So I stopped thinking about it. And then I realised something - that I’d stopped feeling cold, that I didn’t feel that my steps were heavy...
So this was the key: Stop thinking. Stop analysing. Stop thinking “I want - I think - I wish - I feel” etc.
And then I realised how pointless it is to ask why... because questions of 'why' are questions generated from the self - and these questions become meaningless when one can see beyond the ego. I ask the question "Why?" because I want answers. So I must strive to let go of this ego.
... But it’s hard... and it can be fleeting. In fact, I think I’ve lost that feeling already, and trying to describe it in words to myself is like showing a desert nomad a drop of water and saying that the ocean consists in a lot of this stuff.
... Meaning of life? We spend a lot of time contemplating the meanings of a lot of things in Philosophy, but it still doesn’t answer the questions. Perhaps it’s the very fact that after all the contemplation, there will always be questions that keeps us all going. Would you want to live in a universe where you knew everything? If this is the case - that you wouldn't want to know everything, but keep learning, then is the meaning of life the pursuit of knowledge?
9/04/2549
Another post, since today is the day for it :)
**Something worth mentioning: I checked in on www.gconsole.com (A Thai gaming site), and through that stumbled across the blog of somebody I've been worried about - he's alive and well and getting numbers off Japanese chics :) I'm happy that all is going well... Really happy. Reading this has made my day.**
Last night at work was funny... this drunk guy stumbled in, and I wasn't sure what to do cos the manager wasn't around...
Him: I want a bowl of pasta.
Me: Ok, take a seat over there.
[He sits on a table at the window, between two other tables that I'm also serving. On one table is a British-Japanese couple, and on the other, an American couple.]
Me: Do you know what you would like?
Him: [very slurred speech] Something simple... spaghetti... bolognese. [picks up wine list]
Me: Did you want something to drink as well? [oh shit oh shit oh shit - how do I tell him he's too drunk and I can't serve him alcohol?!]
Him: [stares hard at menu] Ummmmmmmmm..... [silence]....
Me: I'll just put through your pasta and let you think about that longer. How about I just bring you some water for now?
Him: Oh yes... thank-... you. Water.
[phew - good save fon!]
By the time I was back with his pasta, he'd fallen asleep on the table, slouched over and nodding.
Me: Excuse me?
Him: [...]
Me: [leaning in closer] Excuse me, would you like to eat your pasta?
Him: [...]
[The American couple and the English/Japanese couple are sniggering now]
Me: [gentle nudge] Your spaghetti bolognese?
Him: Hmm? Oh! Thank-you [starts attacking pasta]
English man: You must not be married, because you would have elbowed him in the head otherwise.
Me: Umm... [looks at Japanese lady] Is that what she does?
...
Ok.... it was a strange evening. After the drunk dude finished his pasta, he fell asleep again, and this time I got Marie to talk to him and convince him to pay the bill. Apparently he didn't remember eating the pasta and was surprised by the bill.
I was told not to serve people like that anymore by David today when I phoned in to change my account details (I should have just not told him about the incident - I thought he might have found it funny - but he didn't!)
....
Thanks again to Elvira for driving me home after work... she's just the strongest person I know! She's so responsible, so tough, and takes shit from nobody. Ultimate respect!
Last night at work was funny... this drunk guy stumbled in, and I wasn't sure what to do cos the manager wasn't around...
Him: I want a bowl of pasta.
Me: Ok, take a seat over there.
[He sits on a table at the window, between two other tables that I'm also serving. On one table is a British-Japanese couple, and on the other, an American couple.]
Me: Do you know what you would like?
Him: [very slurred speech] Something simple... spaghetti... bolognese. [picks up wine list]
Me: Did you want something to drink as well? [oh shit oh shit oh shit - how do I tell him he's too drunk and I can't serve him alcohol?!]
Him: [stares hard at menu] Ummmmmmmmm..... [silence]....
Me: I'll just put through your pasta and let you think about that longer. How about I just bring you some water for now?
Him: Oh yes... thank-... you. Water.
[phew - good save fon!]
By the time I was back with his pasta, he'd fallen asleep on the table, slouched over and nodding.
Me: Excuse me?
Him: [...]
Me: [leaning in closer] Excuse me, would you like to eat your pasta?
Him: [...]
[The American couple and the English/Japanese couple are sniggering now]
Me: [gentle nudge] Your spaghetti bolognese?
Him: Hmm? Oh! Thank-you [starts attacking pasta]
English man: You must not be married, because you would have elbowed him in the head otherwise.
Me: Umm... [looks at Japanese lady] Is that what she does?
...
Ok.... it was a strange evening. After the drunk dude finished his pasta, he fell asleep again, and this time I got Marie to talk to him and convince him to pay the bill. Apparently he didn't remember eating the pasta and was surprised by the bill.
I was told not to serve people like that anymore by David today when I phoned in to change my account details (I should have just not told him about the incident - I thought he might have found it funny - but he didn't!)
....
Thanks again to Elvira for driving me home after work... she's just the strongest person I know! She's so responsible, so tough, and takes shit from nobody. Ultimate respect!
Strange character...
Last Sunday night (not last night, but the Sunday before) I came home to the sight of a couple suitcases in the hall. I stood there, half-way done untieing my shoelaces, contemplating the strange scene. It was only eleven... but ... no Dood in the kitchen appeasing his normal midnight cravings. The lights in the apartment were off, even though his keys were hanging on the door. And the suitcases.
Taking in the new scene in my state of after-work-blur, I didn't immediately look towards the living room - but when I did, I saw that there was somebody sleeping on the sofa. Oh! I turned off the lights in a hurry...
So, one of Sarinda's friend's stayed with us from last Sunday night, and he left yesterday.
Interesting character... wasn't sure quite what to make of him. Terrible listener, and really rubbed me the wrong way most of the time, with comments such as "You look Philipino or Ozzie" or "You would make the ideal housewife", "Only Australia has people of mixed ethnicity", "Everyone in that part of the world just looks Asian", "All the Singaporeans are Chinese."
Here are a couple dialogues from the past week:
[scene: Monday night, watching Emmies, having a beer]
Me: That woman has nice skin.
Him: Oh, that's Eva Longoria - she's one of the most beautiful women in the world
Me: Ummm.... I don't watch T.V., wouldn't know who that is
[discussion continues about something else]
Him: So what's your favourite T.V. show?
Me: I don't have one. I told you - I don't watch T.V. at all. As in - I haven't myself picked up the remote control in the past ten years in order to watch T.V.
[silence]
Him: So how many hours of T.V. do you watch per day?
Me: I don't watch T.V.!!! ZERO!
Him: What? You don't watch T.V.?! How about per week?
Me: ZE - RO!
[...]
Him: What do you do in your leisure time?
Me: Not much of that - I tend to keep myself busy
Him: What are you running away from?
Me: Huh? Nothing...?
Him: But everyone who keeps themselves busy is running away from something.
Me: What, did you do a crash course in psychology recently or something?
Him: Come on - You clearly are hiding some dark secrets!
Me: [ooohhh myyyy godddddd - Dood, why did you leave me alone with this moron?!]
[scene: Tuesday morning, I'm trying to study in the living room cos I fell asleep studying in my own room]
Him: I can tell your study hard.
Me: Not always - I just have a lot of work to do this semester.
Him: No, I can see from your palm.
Me: What, you can read my palm while I'm writing?
Him: Oh - I can see some lines. Would you like me to read your palm?
Me: [...] um...
Him: [takes my right hand, looks at it for a long time]
Me: [getting uncomfortable] Aren't you going to be late for work?
Him: It's ok. [Continues looking at hand]
Me: Right... so what can you tell?
Him: [getting up] I'll tell you later. I've got to go to work now. [leaves]
[scene: Tuesday evening, having dinner. Dood is not home yet]
[Phone goes on screensaver, picture of Sid pops up]
Him: Is that your boyfriend?
Me: Yes.
Him: How long have you been together?
Me: About a year and a half
Him: It's all good?
Me: Yeah.
Him: Do you really love him?
Me: Yeah.
Him: Do you fight a lot?
Me: Sometimes - You ask too many questions!
Him: Do I make you nervous?
Me: No. But you really piss me off!
Him: Huh?... What? I piss you off?
Me: Yeah, but it's ok. It's alright to be pissed off sometimes. It doesn't mean that I really dislike you.
[scene: kitchen, Tuesday night as I'm cleaning up from dinner]
Him: I have a gift. I can tell a person inside out straight away.
Me: Yeah, a lot of guys think that.
Him: Yeah, but I really have a knack for it.
Me: [oh god, it's this f***ing male ego/instinct thing again] Oh, yeah? So tell me about myself.
Him: Ummm...
Me: Well?
Him: Don't you know about yourself?
Me: So you don't know any you're just trying to cover up
Him: [...]
[Wednesday night, Dood has gone out, I've just opened the door for our guest and excused myself, saying I have an essay to write. He called me earlier to ask if I'm home and whether we should go out for dinner. I said I've got an essay I'm working on and that I've already eaten]
[door knocks]
Him: FOooOON?
Me: [opening door] Yes?
Him: I'm going out to get dinner, care to join?
Me: I've already eaten.
Him: Do you want me to bring you something?
Me: No, I'm fine, thanks. I'm just gonna get back to my work [close door]
[door knocks again]
Me: Yeees? [get up and go open door]
Him: Are you mad at me?
Me: No! I'm just in the middle of a thought! [yeah, but now i'm getting to being mad, dammit!!]
[Scene: Friday night, I've just come back from work]
Him: Fon, what do you know about cold feet?
Me: You already asked me this on Tuesday night... And I told you, I've never been married, I don't know!
Him: But you must know. How do girls behave when they get cold feet?
Me: Honestly, I don't know! And why would all girls behave the same anyhow?
Him: What are the symptoms?
Me: I don't KNOW.
[this goes on for quite a while]
But, despite all this frustration, and rubbing the wrong way, etc... I'll miss him! He definitely was an entertaining character. He probably just arrived during the wrong week, cos I was super-grumpy, writing up my 5000 word piece (which ended up being 6500 words).
Oh... speaking of that super-essay... I feel sad. I worked so hard on it, and came to love it so much that I felt wrong shoving it in Julie Bradshaw's mailbox... like I was sending out a little child to be judged by the world. I wonder if that's what a mother feels like when she sends her child to school for the first time?
One last thing: Thanks for a beautiful Sunday afternoon:)
Taking in the new scene in my state of after-work-blur, I didn't immediately look towards the living room - but when I did, I saw that there was somebody sleeping on the sofa. Oh! I turned off the lights in a hurry...
So, one of Sarinda's friend's stayed with us from last Sunday night, and he left yesterday.
Interesting character... wasn't sure quite what to make of him. Terrible listener, and really rubbed me the wrong way most of the time, with comments such as "You look Philipino or Ozzie" or "You would make the ideal housewife", "Only Australia has people of mixed ethnicity", "Everyone in that part of the world just looks Asian", "All the Singaporeans are Chinese."
Here are a couple dialogues from the past week:
[scene: Monday night, watching Emmies, having a beer]
Me: That woman has nice skin.
Him: Oh, that's Eva Longoria - she's one of the most beautiful women in the world
Me: Ummm.... I don't watch T.V., wouldn't know who that is
[discussion continues about something else]
Him: So what's your favourite T.V. show?
Me: I don't have one. I told you - I don't watch T.V. at all. As in - I haven't myself picked up the remote control in the past ten years in order to watch T.V.
[silence]
Him: So how many hours of T.V. do you watch per day?
Me: I don't watch T.V.!!! ZERO!
Him: What? You don't watch T.V.?! How about per week?
Me: ZE - RO!
[...]
Him: What do you do in your leisure time?
Me: Not much of that - I tend to keep myself busy
Him: What are you running away from?
Me: Huh? Nothing...?
Him: But everyone who keeps themselves busy is running away from something.
Me: What, did you do a crash course in psychology recently or something?
Him: Come on - You clearly are hiding some dark secrets!
Me: [ooohhh myyyy godddddd - Dood, why did you leave me alone with this moron?!]
[scene: Tuesday morning, I'm trying to study in the living room cos I fell asleep studying in my own room]
Him: I can tell your study hard.
Me: Not always - I just have a lot of work to do this semester.
Him: No, I can see from your palm.
Me: What, you can read my palm while I'm writing?
Him: Oh - I can see some lines. Would you like me to read your palm?
Me: [...] um...
Him: [takes my right hand, looks at it for a long time]
Me: [getting uncomfortable] Aren't you going to be late for work?
Him: It's ok. [Continues looking at hand]
Me: Right... so what can you tell?
Him: [getting up] I'll tell you later. I've got to go to work now. [leaves]
[scene: Tuesday evening, having dinner. Dood is not home yet]
[Phone goes on screensaver, picture of Sid pops up]
Him: Is that your boyfriend?
Me: Yes.
Him: How long have you been together?
Me: About a year and a half
Him: It's all good?
Me: Yeah.
Him: Do you really love him?
Me: Yeah.
Him: Do you fight a lot?
Me: Sometimes - You ask too many questions!
Him: Do I make you nervous?
Me: No. But you really piss me off!
Him: Huh?... What? I piss you off?
Me: Yeah, but it's ok. It's alright to be pissed off sometimes. It doesn't mean that I really dislike you.
[scene: kitchen, Tuesday night as I'm cleaning up from dinner]
Him: I have a gift. I can tell a person inside out straight away.
Me: Yeah, a lot of guys think that.
Him: Yeah, but I really have a knack for it.
Me: [oh god, it's this f***ing male ego/instinct thing again] Oh, yeah? So tell me about myself.
Him: Ummm...
Me: Well?
Him: Don't you know about yourself?
Me: So you don't know any you're just trying to cover up
Him: [...]
[Wednesday night, Dood has gone out, I've just opened the door for our guest and excused myself, saying I have an essay to write. He called me earlier to ask if I'm home and whether we should go out for dinner. I said I've got an essay I'm working on and that I've already eaten]
[door knocks]
Him: FOooOON?
Me: [opening door] Yes?
Him: I'm going out to get dinner, care to join?
Me: I've already eaten.
Him: Do you want me to bring you something?
Me: No, I'm fine, thanks. I'm just gonna get back to my work [close door]
[door knocks again]
Me: Yeees? [get up and go open door]
Him: Are you mad at me?
Me: No! I'm just in the middle of a thought! [yeah, but now i'm getting to being mad, dammit!!]
[Scene: Friday night, I've just come back from work]
Him: Fon, what do you know about cold feet?
Me: You already asked me this on Tuesday night... And I told you, I've never been married, I don't know!
Him: But you must know. How do girls behave when they get cold feet?
Me: Honestly, I don't know! And why would all girls behave the same anyhow?
Him: What are the symptoms?
Me: I don't KNOW.
[this goes on for quite a while]
But, despite all this frustration, and rubbing the wrong way, etc... I'll miss him! He definitely was an entertaining character. He probably just arrived during the wrong week, cos I was super-grumpy, writing up my 5000 word piece (which ended up being 6500 words).
Oh... speaking of that super-essay... I feel sad. I worked so hard on it, and came to love it so much that I felt wrong shoving it in Julie Bradshaw's mailbox... like I was sending out a little child to be judged by the world. I wonder if that's what a mother feels like when she sends her child to school for the first time?
One last thing: Thanks for a beautiful Sunday afternoon:)
